Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy Show" was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city! I was saying "Boo-urns." I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about! The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.
- Duffman can't breathe! OH NO!
- I was saying "Boo-urns."
- Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
- I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
- A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
- I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! I hope I didn't brain my damage. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
I hope I didn't brain my damage. You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.
I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children… Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.
Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
Jesus must be spinning in his grave! I can't go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems.
I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies. Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns, Boo-urns." Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story." Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!